I am sad for my niece. She is being bullied. When I first learned about it last week, I wanted to teleport to Baguio immediately and spank those kids and their parents. Yes, both kids and parents…because I believe that most of what your child becomes is a product of your parenting. How was she bullied? Her classmates would ask things and money from her, and worst, they let her carry their things! Anak ng teteng talaga! Ni hindi ko nga pinagbubuhat yang batang yan ng mabigat kung kami ang magkasama eh. Ka-highblood. I also don’t know what to advise since I am not a parent.
But these were what I told my sister (sya yung kausap ko nung una) then my niece. Translated na kasi Ilocano yung iba.
Sis: Bullying kaya yung hingi ng gamit at pera nya at pinapabuhat ang mga gamit nila sa kanya?
Me (to sis): OO! And tell her to tell them na hindi nya responsibility na bigyan sila ng pera at buhatin ang gamit nila. Matuto sya to asy no kahit pa mawalan sya ng friends. Tell her na hindi worth it makipagkaibigan sa mga ganong tao. Whoever does that to her, wag na nya pansinin unless school work ang usapan.
Me (to sis): At kausapin mo teacher nila.
Me (to sis): The point is wag syang pumayag at wag iiyak sa harap nila. Otherwise, mas lalo syang ibubully. Kung i-threaten sya, sumbong sa teacher agad. Basta say no and don’t talk to them unless about school work.
Me (to sis): Kung ipilit nilang magpabuhat ng gamit, e di iwan nya mga gamit nila duh
Niece (binigay ata ng nanay nya sa kanya ang cellphone at biglang sya ang nagreply): Pero tita magagalit naman sila sa akin.
Me (to niece): Hayaan mo kahit magalit sila. Sabihin mo di mo responsibility lahat ng pinapagawa nila. Kung sasaktan ka nila, sumbong mo sa teacher. Taga saaan ba mga yan at pinapabuhat mga gamit nila sa ‘yo?
Me (to niece): Bast don’t ever ever touch their things and be responsible with your own things. Siguraduhin mong kumpleto ka lagi sa gamit at just bring enough (things) for the day at konting extra para pag may humingi, tell them na sakto lang dala mo
Me (to niece): Velmarie, those are not the type of people na you should consider as friends. Kung magagalit sila sa yo, so what. Hindi ganyan ang true friends. True friends respect each other and don’t hurt you. Kung wala kang magiging friends dyan sa school, ok lang. You will meet other people pa who will treat you better than them.
Me: Pero hindi sila titigil sa pagbully sa yo if pumapayag ka sa gusto nila. If you say no, look at them straight in the eye, with a serious face and firm tone. Yung hindi nanginginig na boses.
Niece: Tita, nanghihiram sila ng kahit anong gamit.
Me: Wag mong pahiramin. Responsibilidad nilang magdala ng things nila. Tell them hindi ka magpapahiram dahil gagamitin mo.
Me: Just stop lending your things anak. Again hindi mo obligasyon or responsibility na magdala ng extra for them. Magulang nila ang may responsibilidad to provide for them. Tandaan mo yan lagi.
Niece: Tita pero nagagalit ako pag minsan. Pero nagagalit sila.
Me: Pag nagagalit din sila, titigan mo lang sila until sila ang unang mag-iwas ng tingin. Wag yung masamang titig. Basta titig lang tapos blank face lang, yung tipong di ka affected sa galit nila at may konting taas ng kilay.
Me: Matagal ka na bang binubully?
Niece: Nung elementary pa kami. Thank you tita. Matutulog na ako.
Me: O pray na sana itigil na nila yun and pray for strength para kayanin mong wag silang pagbigyan. Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi? Big girl ka na. As you grow older, mas marami pa yan. Kailangan matuto kang lumaban para di ka aapihin. Lumaban in a way na being firm to say no at wag matakot if magalit sila sa yo. Dapat palaban ka sa mga taong nang-aapi sa yo. Not through suntukan but with (the right) words, your facial expression and the way you look at them.
At nanay na uli nya nagreply. Nakatulog na ata ang bata.
Syempre ibang usapan na ang sermon ko sa nanay nya.
But seriously, I fear for her and the kids who bully her. She’s turning 13 in September. And maybe those classmates too. What will become of them if they continue to behave badly? And of course, it’s a big deal for my niece to have friends. Syempre as an adult, it’s easy for me to say that it’s ok if you don’t have a lot of friends. But at that stage, friends are important to my niece too.
At hindi ko alam kung tama ang mga pinagsasabi ko sa kanya. All I know is that we should know how to stand up for ourselves and fight our own battles, even as kids. Hindi ko alam if nagegets ba nya yun. She seems meek kasi. But she really has to learn how to be tough. Mahirap yung ganyan. Madadala nya kasi yung pain hanggang pagtanda if hindi naagapan. I should know, based from personal experience.
I’ll have a very long talk with her (and her sister) when I go home.
Hay kairita pa rin those bully kids.
Anything else that kids and/or parents can do so that they won’t be bullied?